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After learning to swim at age 4, Tom Daley felt a deep connection to the water. When he was 7, a diving lesson sparked a passion that would shape his life and future career.
Though his father, Robert Daley, supported him tirelessly — driving him to practice and cheering for him on the sidelines — international training camps and competitions took Daley far from home, often leaving him lonely and overwhelmed.
The distance brought intense homesickness; he would cry at night, call his mother in distress and knock on chaperones’ doors seeking comfort.
In 1.6 Seconds, a new documentary about the Olympic diver, the 31 year old refers to himself as a “nightmare child.”
Sam Riley/WBD
“I still to this day don’t know why that was, but I guess I just felt so safe when I was at home, that there was nothing that was ever going to make me feel that safe anywhere else,” Daley says on camera.
According to one of his earlier diving coaches, Andy Banks, the young diver was so consumed by homesickness during away competitions that he once threatened to jump out of a window.
“I used to be terrified of leaving home,” Daley revealed. “I used to be so scared and worried about everything.”
The 5-time medalist describes that time as a “traumatic period” — one during which he tried his best to block out the pain of being separated from his family and familiar surroundings by focusing on all the positive aspects of being away, such as making friends and seeing new places.
His father, Robert, who passed away from brain cancer on May 27, 2011, just days after Daley turned 17, was his best friend and greatest cheerleader.
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Despite winning a slew of competitions — including the European Title at age 13 and the World Championship at 15 — the only person Daley looked forward to seeing in the stands was his father. He says his dad made him feel “invincible.”
Sam Riley/WBD
“When he was gone from my life, I didn’t really know who to turn to or who to talk to about lots of things,” Daley tells PEOPLE exclusively. “There wasn’t really anyone that would bring it out of me, because my dad was always someone who kind of knew exactly what I was thinking and how I was feeling and knew how to fix it.”
In the documentary a young Daley appears on camera explaining that the best way for him to cope with his doubts and frustrations was by “sitting in the van speaking to my dad.”
“He supports me all the way, and if I didn’t have his support system, I wouldn’t be here now ‘cause I wouldn’t want to carry on,” he said.
As a teenager, Daley often found it annoying that his father filmed everything, but looking back, he sees it as a reflection of how proud his dad was of him. Daley’s now grateful to have all that archival footage to share with his own two sons, Robby and Phoenix, whom he shares with his husband Dustin Lance Black, 50.
“The relationship I had with my dad is kind of like the model of what I would like to be like as a parent,” Daley tells PEOPLE. “And at the end of the day when it comes to my kids, I always feel like I want to be there to support them, love them, care for them. That’s what my dad instilled in me and that’s what I want to be able to pass on to my kids as well.”
1.6 Seconds is now streaming on Max globally and on olympics.com in the U.S.
