Porsha Williams Is Taking a Break from Dating ‘Until I’m Whole’ (Exclusive)

Porsha Williams is giving herself permission to take her time.

In an emotional moment during her exclusive interview for PEOPLE’s digital cover story, the Real Housewives of Atlanta star opens up about life after her divorce from Simon Guobadia and why she’s chosen to press pause on dating as she works through the heartbreak.

“It’s lonely. I can’t connect with other men,” Williams, 44, says through tears. “You would think I’m dating already and stuff, right? People try to introduce me. But it’s just… when it’s not the same, it’s not the same.”

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Instead of jumping into a new relationship, Williams — who shares 6-year-old daughter Pilar Jhena with ex Dennis McKinley — says she’s staying single until she feels whole again.

“I’m going to do it different this time,” she explains. “I’m going to be alone until I’m whole. And then when I’m whole, then I will open myself back up so I don’t make the same mistake again.”

Williams and Guobadia, 60, wed in November 2022 after a whirlwind romance that went public in May 2021. The couple appeared to be the portrait of perfection until February 2024, when Williams filed for divorce — seemingly out of the blue and just as her return to The Real Housewives of Atlanta was announced.

Their contentious split, with included defamation suits and cease and desists, was finalized on June 11 with the judge ruling in Williams favor to uphold their prenup and grant her spousal support, among other things.

Guobadia, who has since been deported to Nigeria amid immigration violations, says he plans to appeal the ruling. “This matter is far from over,” he tells PEOPLE.

Looking back on it all, the Bravo star says the breakup forced her to reflect deeply on her past patterns in relationships and how she used to define herself through others.

“I used to be a people pleaser,” she shares. “I used to only see myself through men’s eyes, and that’s why I went through a lot of abuse with men in my twenties. And then when I got on reality TV for the first three years, I only saw myself through what the fans would say in the comments. I was like a walking culmination of what the comments thought.”

But now, I could give zero you-know-whats. I’m my own person. I took charge of my life, financially, in my relationships — everything. I’m really confident now. But something like this, it shakes your confidence, you know? Because you work so hard and you think everything is going one way and when it doesn’t work out, it’s disappointing.”

Learning to “just let go” has helped Williams heal. But that doesn’t mean she’s ready to love again.

“When you go through a bad enough breakup, you’re like, ‘I don’t like nobody,'” Williams says, joking. “I was sitting there, I was like, ‘Do I like women enough? Can I get with a woman? Who can come in and fill this void?’ But I don’t [have that] yet. It’ll come.”

In the meantime, she’s focused on letting herself feel every part of the pain, rather than trying to escape it.

“I can’t just feel it with someone else. I can’t just get underneath someone else and feel it. I can’t just drink it away like I have in my past,” she admits. “It’s a rough road, healing this way. It’s dry — on every level of being dry. But it’s needed.”

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Still, Williams says each day feels a little lighter.

“I know I’m crying right now, but I feel good every day,” she says. “Each day I get better. Each day I feel stronger. But I ain’t going to lie — it’s hard. It’s hard living lonely when you know you have to live lonely for a while.”

Despite the challenges, she’s finding strength in reclaiming control of her life — and redefining what that means.

“I used to only see myself through men’s eyes,” she says, “and that’s why I went through a lot of abuse in my twenties. Then when I got on reality TV, I only saw myself through what the fans would say in the comments. I was like a walking culmination of what the comments thought.”

“But now I’m not. I’m my own person. I took charge of my life: financially, in my businesses, in my relationships. So when I say I’m a controlling individual, I mean I know what I want, I know how I want it, and that’s that.”

Letting go of the future she had imagined with Guobadia, Williams says, has been the hardest part.

“When my hands were all over it — when I decided, ‘This is who it is, this is my person’ —that was my plan,” she says. “It might not have been God’s plan. And now I just have to let go.”

For now, that means taking things one step at a time.

“I’ve got to put one foot in front of the other, try to cover my heart, keep it as soft as I can, and just move forward with life,” she says. “That’s all I can do right now.”

For more on Porsha Williams, pick up this week’s issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands now.