Kesha Says Singing ‘Praying’ at Grammys amid Lawsuit Was a ‘Headf—‘ (Exclusive)

Kesha’s “Praying” performance at the 2018 Grammys was a triumphant moment.

The pop star, 38, was joined by Cyndi Lauper, Camila Cabello, Bebe Rexha, Andra Day and the Resistance Revival Chorus for her tearful rendition of the hit power ballad, released amid her nearly 10-year-long legal battle with producer Lukasz “Dr. Luke” Gottwald. Looking back on the performance now comes with a lot of emotions for Kesha.

“Being surrounded by those iconic performers and feeling so supported by my community of those women on that stage was so powerful,” Kesha, whose new album . (PERIOD) is out now, tells PEOPLE in this week’s issue. “Not only for me, but for anybody else who relates to any part of my story.”

The lead single off Kesha’s Rainbow album, “Praying” was released in 2017 and featured lyrics about overcoming hardship and sending a message to someone who played a role in the difficult situation.

“You brought the flames and you put me through hell / I had to learn how to fight for myself / And we both know all the truth I could tell / I’ll just say this is I wish you farewell / I hope you’re somewhere praying,” she sings on the track, which peaked at No. 22 on the Billboard Hot 100 and is certified five-times platinum by the RIAA.

The song arrived after Kesha sued Gottwald in 2014 based on allegations of sexual, emotional and physical abuse. He denied the claims and filed a countersuit the same year. In 2016, her claims were dismissed by a judge due to the alleged events falling outside of the statute of limitations. They settled his lawsuit out of court in 2023.

Taking the stage at the Grammys felt hopeful. “That was a beautiful moment for me to realize that these other artists have my back, and were lending their amazing talents to literally have my back in a performance that was so scary for me,” she says.

At one point during the performance, Lauper placed her hand on Kesha’s shoulder. “I truly felt so supported in that moment, in a time when I really needed support,” she explains.

“I was in the midst of the mess still,” says Kesha. “So, to go and sing about it when it was currently happening, was really a headf— because it was both beautiful but also so difficult.”

Following the “Praying” performance, conversation was sparked around the idea that the Grammys gave Kesha a platform without taking a major stand amid the Time’s Up movement.

“I have some complicated emotions around that [discourse] and that performance,” says Kesha, who was nominated for Best Pop Solo Performance with “Praying” and Best Pop Vocal Album with Rainbow at the same ceremony. “But I will say, I’m proud of myself and I’m really appreciative for all of the other artists that had my back. That will stay with me forever, to my grave.”

Of course, 2018 was also the year former Recording Academy president Neil Portnow said women need to “step up” in order to earn Grammys recognition. He later apologized and stepped down from the organization the next year.

For Kesha, Rainbow served as a way to process her experience both personally and artistically. “The interesting thing about being an artist is you can be the person going through hell and also the person that walks into the studio, like, ‘I’m going to make sure you get through this. We’re going to write a banger because it brings us joy,'” she says. “It’s almost like I’m picking myself up out of the sad moments I’m in.”

On Friday, July 4, Kesha released . (PERIOD) through her own Kesha Records. It’s her first project since the end of both the legal battle and her long-held contract with Sony Music, and she feels more liberated than ever.

“For this chapter I really wanted to capture the moments where I felt liberated, safe, happy, playful, hot, horny, but all of it was coming from a whole place; I feel very whole,” she says. “Now all of my energy gets to focus back on my true purpose—helping people feel seen, loved, safe and f—ing entertained as hell. My power is all back in my hands, and I’m excited.”

For more on Kesha, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands everywhere Friday, or subscribe here.

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, please contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or go to rainn.org.