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Watching back the first two parts of The Real Housewives of Miami season 7 reunion was painful for Julia Lemigova. But it also gave her a new perspective.
“It was very emotional,” the Bravo reality star tells PEOPLE, in an exclusive conversation. “Reliving those moments is really hard, but it also made me think and self-reflect. The beauty, as hard as reality television can be, is that it can be a pathway for personal growth and self-reflection. And if you are honest with yourself and with your audience, it can actually be — believe me or not — quite a healing experience.”
For the former model and wife of tennis legend Martina Navratilova, this season forced her to confront parts of herself she’d long been ashamed of.
“It helped me to grow as a woman, as a mother, as a wife,” she says, holding back tears. “I’m still unpacking a lot. I carry a lot of guilt about it, and a lot of pain. Because it can be really hard to look at yourself in the mirror and not like the person you see. But doing that has really helped me see that I need help.”
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That commitment to honesty also means owning the things she’s done she’s not proud of — including a series of never-before-seen heated outbursts that were shown in flashback on the reunion episodes.
The scenes, not shown by producers and the network in edit, came on the heels of a much-talked-about moment this season that did make it to air. During a tense disagreement, Lemigova tossed a glass of water at costar Guerdy Abraira.
Lemigova apologized for her actions multiple times throughout the season, and during the reunion. She remains apologetic about the moment now.
“There is no excuse for throwing things or screaming,” Lemigova says. “I take full responsibility and accountability for my behavior, and I’m sorry, again, to Guerdy.”
She pauses. “There’s no one to blame for this but me. What I’ve done, it didn’t come out of nowhere — I see now that it came from years of trauma I’ve never fully faced. It bubbled up. I felt cornered emotionally, I snapped. And that’s not okay.”
“What I can see so clearly now is this wasn’t just a television meltdown; it was a cry for help that played out on camera.”
Charles Sykes/Bravo
Now, Lemigova says she’s ready to confront the past head-on. That includes finally facing the pain she still carries with her over the loss of her 5-month-old son Maximilien Stern, who died in 2000 from shaken baby syndrome while in the care of a nanny her ex, Edouard Stern, had hired.
“Sometimes when bad things happen to you, whether in childhood or later in life, it paralyzes you and you just want to run away,” says Lemigova. “I’ve been the queen of sweeping things under the rug. I’d always tell myself, ‘I’ll deal with it tomorrow.’ But I see now, that comes back to bite you in the end. And I need to work on myself. I want to do better — not just for me, but for my family.” ”
To help her do that, Lemigova tells PEOPLE she’s turning to professionals.
“I’m seeking treatment for my PTSD, because I need to finally deal with things I’ve buried for years,” she says. “This is deep work, and I can’t do it alone.”
“I may be a strong woman, but I’m not Wonder Woman,” she adds. “I’m human.”
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Her wife, Navratilova — with whom Julia, last year, adopted two sons — has been a source of strength throughout. They’ve even worked through their marital issues, which Lemigova says brought them closer together.
“Martina showed me a lot of grace when navigating this privately,” Lemigova, who also has two adult daughters from previous relationships, says. “She’s met my honesty and vulnerability with a lot of love. I’m so grateful to her.”
And as she continues her journey toward healing, Lemigova hopes the RHOM audience will see that side of her, too.
“English isn’t my first language — I speak five, and sometimes my words don’t come across clearly. So I understand why a lot of people are confused by what I say and how I act,” she explains. “But I’m trying my best. And I’m doing the work to get better.”
“What defines us isn’t our mistakes, it’s how we learn from them and move forward,” Lemigova adds. “And that’s the journey I’m on.”
All episodes of The Real Housewives of Miami can be streamed on Peacock.
