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Hayley Hasselhoff is reflecting on her own journey with grief nearly four months after her mom Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff’s death.
Pamela was found dead in her L.A. home on March 5, and the cause of death was later ruled a suicide by the Los Angeles Medical Examiner. She was 62.
Now, her youngest daughter — she also shared daughter Taylor, 35, with ex-husband David Hasselhoff — is sharing a guide on navigating unexpected losses in a new essay for Project Healthy Minds. The 32-year-old said that she “wanted to create a support guide to help the loved ones of the lost find comfort in knowing where to turn for support” in the aftermath of her own family’s loss.
Hayley recalled the “confusion” and “guilt” that can come after experiencing an unexpected loss.
In the essay, she wrote that she and her sister “never tried to connect the dots” about their mom’s death and “encouraged others to do the same.”
“We went straight to a place of loving our mother in all forms and celebrating the legacy she led with,” she shared.
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She encouraged others to try to “change [their] mindset” when it comes to loss. “We went straight to a place of no guilt, no shame. Other people may go to a place of, like, ‘How could they leave me? How could they do this?’”
“When somebody dies by suicide, there’s always going to be some sort of guilt. However, there should be no guilt towards them and their character and who they are and how they left you,” she said.
Hayley admitted she wished she could change how some things were handled and discussed in the aftermath of her mom’s death.
Reflecting on the “the pressure of the confusion around what you’re supposed to do and how to do it” that can happen after an unexpected death, Hayley encouraged people to remember that their loved one’s “soul and their spirit [are] still here.”
“Let’s celebrate them. Let’s love on them. Let’s let them transcend and then we’ll take care of what needs to be taken care of,” she said.
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“Looking back, there were definitely steps that I feel like we took a little bit too soon that I wish we could have just halted on,” she admitted.
Hayley worked on finding ways to stay present while navigating the grief from her mother’s death.
In the weeks after her mom’s death, Hayley said that finding a small “win” every day helped her stay “focused” while the family was “in such a place of confusion and shock.”
“The win can be the smallest thing,” she said. “There was the instant need to be present in every moment and to never take a moment for granted.”
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Honesty has also been helping Hayley move forward.
In her experience, being open about her loss has helped her stay authentic. “I feel like when you speak on your lost one, it actually feels more comforting because you feel like you’re celebrating them still and they’re still present and they’re still around,” she said.
When she’s asked how she’s doing, Hayley said she opts to be honest.
“I go: ‘Good, but I’m really okay. My mom just passed and I’m like, I’m just gonna rip off this bandaid for us now.’ And what it actually ends up doing is it opens up a whole new door of conversation for anybody else to come forward who has experienced grief themselves.”
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She said she’s also doing her best to get up and get ready every day to “look great and feel good because that’s what my mom would’ve wanted.”
“If I can’t call her, what would she say to me? What advice would she give me? … I know that innately, my mom will always be a huge part of my story.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health challenges, emotional distress, substance use problems, or just needs to talk, call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org 24/7.
