Ethel Cain Reflects on ‘Deeply Shameful’ Use of ‘Racist Statements’ She Made at 19

Ethel Cain reflected further on the “racist statements” she made when she was younger.

In a Wednesday, July 30 interview with The New York Times’ Popcast, the alt-pop musician spoke about the decision to share a lengthy statement on Google Docs earlier this month, addressing backlash she received after now-deleted screenshots of social media posts from when she was 19 resurfaced on Reddit.

At 19, Cain — whose real name is Hayden Anhedönia —allegedly admitted to using the N-word and wrote “build that wall!” in response to a post mocking the Latino community, per the Q&A platform Curious Cat.

For the “Crush” artist, the act of being confronted with her past online behavior was “very strange,” and felt “like one domino after another.”

“There are aspects of it that it’s like, you have to take accountability for, mistakes and actions that you’ve made that you have to atone for and take accountability for, and then there’s other aspects that are being weaponized purely out of malice,” Cain, 27, told the outlet of her statement, which she issued on July 9. “It was so many things to talk about all at one time.”

The “American Teenager” musician also revealed that she felt a lot of “pressure” from herself to address the situation while it was happening.

Cain — who grew up in rural Florida and was homeschooled — noted that she is “by no means perfect” and comes from a place that’s “ass backwards.”

“The things that are so deeply ingrained in you, you’re constantly having to work on yourself — as everybody does — but especially when you come from somewhere like where I come from, there’s things you are constantly having to unlearn every day,” she said.

According to Cain, she was “young and angry and lashing out at the world” when she allegedly made hateful comments online.

“It’s deeply shameful and embarrassing to see that dredged back up, especially when I’ve created a project that is so built on, you know, trauma and healing and coming from these places in life where you have been shot down and hurt,” she said, referring to her stage name.

Cain added that “it is very regrettable” to look back on her past actions and said that at the time, she “would have said anything to get attention.

“I never really know specifically in what ways accountability…what is correct. Like, I’m not the one to decide what that looks like,” she said.

Cain continued: “When I look at that person, I see someone who did not care about their life and did not care about what they said.”

“I won’t make any excuses for that. I said what I said, I did what I did. And, moving forward, all I can really do more is use my platform to make right and to be a positive change in the world,” she concluded.

Per Stereogum, on July 6, a member of the subreddit dedicated to Cain shared screenshots of 2017 and 2018 social posts, which were originally shared to X by an account called @herweirdsilas allegedly devoted to “exposing” Cain.

Allegedly, the X account posted a 2020 image of Cain in a T-shirt that featured the phrase “LEGALIZE INCEST” and shared evidence that she was aware of Dr. Luke’s alleged abuse of Kesha before she signed to his publishing company, Prescription Songs, according to the outlet.

There were also allegedly posts that included fat-shaming and rape jokes, in addition to other topics, per Stereogum.

On July 9, Cain issued a lengthy statement on Google Docs addressing individual allegations and admitting that she looked back on that time in her life “shamefully.”

“I am not proud of my actions, and I have done my best to bury it as I feel strongly that no good can come from it. As I move forward through my life, I aim to use my platform for good, for change, and for progress. I believe it’s important to atone not through words alone, but through actions,” the “Strangers” performer wrote at the time.

Cain also claimed that the resurfaced posts were “not the actions of a well-meaning individual.”

“These are screenshots obtained through extensive digging, hacking, and cooperative effort amongst a group of individuals who do not care who else is hurt by witnessing this media as long as I am ultimately hurt the worst in the end,” she wrote at the time.

Cain continued: “I’ve known that all of these separate pieces of my past have been found and hoarded over the past couple years as I’ve been tipped off in various ways. This massive smear campaign has been a long time in the making, waiting for the right moment to be unleashed, and now it finally has.”

She also claimed that the people targeting her wanted the “complete emotional destruction of me as a person.”

“Personal accounts of mine have been hacked, my family has been doxxed and harassed, photos of me as a child and intimate details of my past have been passed around for fun,” wrote Cain at the time. “I am an adult and I can take accountability for my actions, but this goes beyond accountability.”