Ben Stiller Opens Up About What He Thinks He ‘Got Wrong’ as a Parent (Exclusive)

Ben Stiller is opening up about his experience with fatherhood — and where he thinks he fell short as a dad.

The actor and director, 59, recently spoke with PEOPLE exclusively at the premiere of his new documentary, Stiller & Meara: Nothing Is Lost, during the New York Film Festival. The documentary explores his relationship with his late parents, famous comedy duo Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara, and also includes interviews with his own children, daughter Ella, 23, and son Quinlin (Quinn), 20, whom he shares with his wife, actress Christine Taylor, 54.

Ben told PEOPLE that speaking to his grown kids for the project shined a light on things he “got wrong” as a parent.

“They [Ella and Quinn] were very clear with me about what I got wrong,” he said. “And I really appreciated that, because it’s one of those things where you think you know, ‘Oh, I know what I’m putting out there to them.’ But from their perspective, it was totally different.”

“And by the way, that’s exactly how it was with my parents,” Ben continued. “But as the parent, I really couldn’t see that. So to be able to interview them and talk to them about it and hear their honest feelings — and the fact that they were free enough and secure enough to just say what they thought — is something I really appreciated.”

In the documentary, Ben shared that he ultimately wasn’t as present a parent as he thought he was, and admitted that he often put work first.

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“There was this one time I was sitting in the kitchen with Quinn when he was little and telling him I was going to do Night at the Museum 3, and I had to go to Canada for a few months. I just saw his face sort of drop, and he said, ‘I wish you could stay home,’ ” he recalled. “And I remember pathetically, sort of saying, ‘But you love Night at the Museum.’ But it didn’t matter to him.” 

Ben went on to say that the “irony” is that he had the same experience with his own famous parents — but had assumed he was doing things “better.”

“The irony is, I thought I was doing so much better than my parents,” he said. “I thought I was pulling it off. I was flying home on the weekends and having special places for the kids to play when they [would] come visit the set, but in reality, and just hearing them talk about it … it was the same thing I was going through as a kid, and I just couldn’t see that at all at the time.”

Ben echoed this sentiment in an interview with The Times, published on Saturday, Oct. 11, saying, “I probably f—– up more with my kids than my parents did with us.”

At another point in the film, Ben recalls a time when he felt as though his dad had prioritized a fan on the street over a moment with his own son.

“That’s actually hilarious,” Quinn, who was also in the scene, responded. “Because just a few weeks ago, we were all out at a restaurant, and I had been stressed about college stuff, and then the people there wanted to get, like, a picture with you. Then I just remember I was so frustrated, like the world just has to stop to get this picture. You know what I mean?”

“I think I got more of my dad in me than my mom,” Ben replied.

Stiller & Meara: Nothing Is Lost is set for a limited theatrical release on Oct. 17.