Taylor Swift’s ‘Ruin the Friendship’ Lyrics, Explained

The Swifties have been hard at work decoding The Life of a Showgirl.

Since Taylor Swift released her 12th studio album on Oct. 3, the internet has run rampant with theories about what — and more importantly, who — her 12 songs are about. The sixth track, “Ruin the Friendship,” has drawn particular attention for its heartbreaking lyrics and the early speculation around its subject.

When the Grammy-winning singer revealed the track list in August, fans wondered if it was about her longtime friendship with Blake Lively, after a source told PEOPLE in August 2025 that the two “aren’t speaking” amid the actress’s ongoing lawsuit with her It Ends with Us costar Justin Baldoni.

However, the theory was quickly disproven upon the album’s release, and, instead, the song tells a heartwrenching tale of loss.

Here’s everything to know about what Taylor Swift’s “Ruin the Friendship” is about.

What is “Ruin the Friendship” about?

In her “Track by Track Version” of The Life of a Showgirl for Amazon Music, Swift described the song as a reflection on moments that have slipped by.

“Ruin the Friendship is a song that wistfully goes back in time to moments that you hesitated, moments that you were too scared or anxious to do something that you were really curious about,” the singer explained. “The idea of if you told this person you have feelings for them, or if you kiss this person, you might ruin the friendship.”

Swift added that the track revisits those hesitations to consider what really would have been “so bad” about taking the risk.

Who is “Ruin the Friendship” about?

Though Swifties initially believed “Ruin the Friendship” would reference her alleged fallout with Lively, the song’s lyrics talked about a different kind of heartache. In the emotional track, she sings about a high school crush who met a tragic end.

“When I left school I lost track of you / Abigail called me with the bad news / Goodbye / And we’ll never know why,” the lyrics read. “It was not an invitation / But I flew home anyway / With so much left to say / It was not convenient, no / But I whispered at the grave / ‘Should’ve kissed you anyway.’ ”

Swift closes the song by advising listeners to “always ruin the friendship” rather than “regret it for all time.” Though she hasn’t confirmed the identity of the late high school crush in the song, many fans believe she was referencing her late friend Jeff Lang.

Who was Jeff Lang?

Lang was a friend of Swift’s who died on Nov. 2, 2010, at the age of 21. She won Country Songwriter of the Year at the BMI Country Awards in Nashville the day after his funeral and spoke about him in her acceptance speech.

“It’s been a really emotional week for me,” Swift said at the 2010 award ceremony. “Yesterday I sang at the funeral of one of my best friends. He was 21, and I used to play my songs for him first. So I would like to thank Jeff Lang.”

Swift and Lang both attended Hendersonville High School in Tennessee before she left to pursue her music career. “Ruin the Friendship” also includes references to a turnpike that runs through Hendersonville called Gallatin Pike and a “lakeside beach,” which likely refers to Old Hickory Lake, found along the Cumberland River.

Has Taylor Swift written any other songs about Jeff Lang?

In addition to “Ruin the Friendship,” Swifties believe a few other songs in her discography may be about Lang.

The vault track “Forever Winter (Taylor’s Version)” from her 2021 Red (Taylor’s Version) album describes the pain of watching a friend struggle, with lyrics many fans connected to her late friend. She sings, “All this time I didn’t know / You were breakin’ down / I’d fall to pieces on the floor / If you weren’t around / Too young to know it gets better.”

Her 2022 track “Bigger Than the Whole Sky,” released on the deluxe Midnights (3am Edition), touches on grief and the pain of losing a loved one. She sings about saying “goodbye, goodbye, goodbye” to someone who was “more than just a short time,” which some fans believe could also be about Lang.