Walker Hayes Almost Broke Sobriety, Started a Fight the Day He Buried His Daughter

Country singer Walker Hayes is opening up about how he nearly broke two years of sobriety after the death of his newborn daughter.

During an appearance on the K-Love Morning Show on Wednesday, Aug. 6, the “Fancy Like” musician, 45, spoke about the difficult day he and his wife Laney buried their seventh child, daughter Oakleigh — who was born and died on the same day in 2018.

At the time, Hayes was around two-and-a-half years sober, but he recalled feeling so devastated that he wanted to start drinking again.

“I immediately came home from the cemetery and drove [to] downtown Franklin to just… self-destruct,” he said.

“I drove to a bar called 55 South, and I looked through the window and there were three guys at the bar,” Hayes shared. “And I was like, ‘I’m gonna get a little buzz and I’m going to just mess with those guys. I’m just gonna get in a fight with those guys.'”

The musician acknowledged that “it makes zero sense,” and he shared that he received a small bit of luck that kept him from going inside the bar.

“I opened the Honda, and my wallet wasn’t in the door,” he said, recalling how he turned around and drove home to get it.

“My wife, sadly, was just sitting by herself, on the day she’s buried her daughter. My kids are I don’t know where, and she’s just in the dark,” Hayes shared, recalling how he realized what would have happened if he went to the bar.

“I could literally see what I was about to do,” he continued. “She’s gonna have to pick me up from jail the next day. We were gonna have to start the rehab process all over, you know, and go back to square one. That was some sin in me that I just saw clearly, and thought, ‘I need a savior. I need redemption from myself.'”

Hayes has previously been candid about both the loss of his daughter and his journey to sobriety — both in his music, including on his album Sober Thoughts, and in interviews.

Speaking to PEOPLE in 2018, the singer recalled the pain of having to tell his wife that their daughter had not survived after Laney came out of emergency surgery.

“‘What do I do?’ ” Hayes recalled. “‘When Laney wakes up, how do I tell her? How am I the one to explain, it’s a girl, but you know, she died?’ I knew that was just going to crush Laney.”

Yet the nurse kept talking, and the dreadful news kept coming. Hayes recalled being told that Laney’s own life was hanging in the balance after she suffered a uterine rupture.

“I just waited,” Hayes told PEOPLE, recalling those desperate moments when he didn’t know whether he would lose Laney, along with their newborn daughter. “I really just hoped that this wasn’t going to be the worst day of my life, even though it kind of already was.”

Both Hayes and his high school sweetheart shared at the time that they wanted to tell their story to express their gratitude for the family, friends and even strangers who accompanied them on their journey, as well as to help other grieving parents.

“Laney and I have cried a lot,” Hayes said. “But one thing that makes me the happiest is how much love there has been around us. We’ve had the most remarkable questions answered and advice given from people around our neighborhood and in meet-and-greet lines. People walk up to me and tell me their life, and it’s like, geez, thank you for sharing. I don’t even know these people.”

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During an appearance on TODAY last year, Hayes also spoke about the moment he decided to begin his sobriety journey at age 36 — after he began drinking at age 13.

“I was working a night job at Costco stocking produce and playing shows at night,” Hayes told hosts Hoda Kotb and Jenna Bush Hager, adding that Laney had just welcomed their sixth child, daughter Everly. 

“Life was just wild, it was a lot on my body and I just woke up on a Saturday and I just knew if I did this one more day my body would be affected,” the singer said. “Some organ — you know, look, I’m not a scientist. I’m not a doctor. I just woke up and it felt like if I do it one more day I might die.”

“I went one day to two, two days turned into a week,” Hayes said. “… A month turned into a year and then I just didn’t want to go backwards.”

“I think most recovering alcoholics feel the same way, you know,” he added, as he shared that he was coming up on eight years sober at the time. “Sobriety is so amazing that you’d love to pass it along. It’s a great option that we have in life and there is freedom from addiction.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, please contact the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.